Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
