can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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