You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You are a genius and a whore.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
