Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
