I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
