If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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