youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I looked at my own cervix.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
