So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
