I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
