Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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