the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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