Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
