And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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