Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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