I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
