thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How does one acquire holy water?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
