I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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