Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
