My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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