It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
