OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
