Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
