It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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