i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
