my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
