You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
