i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
