im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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