Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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