dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
