yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
