Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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