You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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