Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
