somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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