Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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