Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
