we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
