I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
