nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
