corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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