i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So many bounce houses so little time
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
