I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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