So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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