I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
