if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
