She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
