no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
