so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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