The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
