i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
