Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
