Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Randomize
