But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
