So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
