OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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