shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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