You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
